Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
