I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
