i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This baby is an asshole
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
