I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize