i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
