i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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