I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
