do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
