a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
