please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
