I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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