If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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