So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
