Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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