i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
