I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
