What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
