dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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