Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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