feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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