it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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