He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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