between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
