So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
