it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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