she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
