I think im going to throw up on grandma
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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