My underwear smells like fireworks.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
