who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...