Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my poor anus
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
