my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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