Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
did you just send me my own nude
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
