If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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