So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A+ Viking dick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
