Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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