i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
