Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
