absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
