she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
