Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
