I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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