i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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