Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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