I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't put those talents on a resume
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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