Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
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Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
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Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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