***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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