I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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