I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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