How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
