Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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