Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
