imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
