Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
