one two three fourrrrnication!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
