Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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