Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
