Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
