if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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