uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
