It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
