last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
