god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
