Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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