Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
