My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
