Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
