I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
