i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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