i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
