We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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