Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
