you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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